Monday, June 22, 2009

06.20.09 ~ JET: 1 Fab Point(s)

I have so much to say about JET, and yet, seemingly, so little to say. It's LLE. And as a's all my fault... I went out on amateur night

The problem is, that for the most part I forget that it is a Saturday night. I live the life of leisure mostly and just don't count down my days off. Only after I am utterly disquested does a light bulb immediately flash and remind me "LLE, it allll makes sense, it just happens to be a Saturday night!"

well damn.

I got a call from a friend at about 11pm. 

"LLE, please come out with me! I want to dance and the boys are going out and I want a wing girl. We're leaving in 20 minutes, we'll come get you."

uhhhhhhhhhhh (disdainful sigh)

"I can not be ready that quick" I exclaim. Which totally isn't true. I'm a professional, remember? 

"PUH-leassssee" she begs

"where are we going?" I pull up my skirt...

"the Mayan, We got a LIMO!"

"ok, I'm in." I have never heard of the Mayan. I like going to unexplored Vegas territory. 

They come get me. But not in the limo. We actually have to go get the limo at Sam's Town.


Did you just say Sam's Town?

Cause maybe while we're at it, I'll stop in and say hi to my 75 year old dad at the bingo room. It will be perfect...

or not at all..

That should have been my first sign. I should have known. The Mayan, Sam's Town, Saturday?!

So our limo pulls up to the Sam's Town..."limo" and "Sam's Town" just!

We head up Flamingo and I realize what is happening. I am being taken to the worst place on earth to possibly go on a Saturday night. The Las Vegas Strip. I feel uneasy. Maybe it's the cheesy half-broken limo lights. Maybe it's that I know I'm stuck. 

Regardless- I'm in, so mineaswell make the best of it. Use this as fodder for the review, LLE. You can do this!

We pull up to the Mirage, walk straight into JET and I start following the group to our table.

Wait...what? NO Table? GASP!?!?

maybe I'm spoiled, but its tough to do clubs without the option to sit down. ever. all night. 

OK- Let's walk around. Let's make friends. Let's make the best of it!

I lead my wing girl, Nyki around the club. Juli was sickly and at home working on her beauty sleep, although, she Totally doesn't need it. 

The club seems....meh...

I just don't have words...but I'll try as I am writing a review and all.

There is not ONE thing this club does well. Not one. They have this kick ass lighting system on the ceiling, and use it so infrequently it seems a waste. I would love to be crunk, looking up dancing watching a light show. but no. I'm forced to watch the girls with crowns and veils on the stripper poles in the middle of the stage.

This isn't ALL bad. I find a cute little Latina and walk toward her. I am stopped by a wall of bodyguard. 

"where are you going?" 

"To dance with that hot little number!"

He COMpletely Twatblocked. (add that word to your vocab, people)

His response is a whisper to her. It's not J.Lo, calm down big boy. She proceeds to LEAVE her VIP section to dance with me. Apparently she wasn't allowed to invite people in with her. 

This is definitely a strike. 
I give a little shake and let her go.

Moving along I'm still waiting for this place to redeem itself. We head over to another VIP section and head to get ourselves a table. The boobs on the cocktail waitress stopped me in my tracks and she vehemently shook her head. 

I say, almost explicitly to myself "well. then. nevermind"
I don't quite understand why an entire section is empty in VIP- and yet- they wouldn't even let us in to occupy and make some money. Bad marketing- packed dance floor -yet no hosts are seating hott guys or gals, no promoter is offering comp'd bottles...and cocktail waitresses are acting as security. Wonder how their tips looked?

We run off to a secret side room that I didn't know existed and find ourselves a booth to post up in. We wait for a server. None comes. 

I think Fantasia was there though. 

OK, well it wasn't her- but someone just as shabby.

Finally a busser comes over. Says "GET UP"


I just don't know why they refuse to offer me service in this place!

"OH, is someone sitting here?"

"ITS RESERVEDGETUP!" all said as one angry word.

I reiterate "OH, so someone is sitting here?"



So we get up, head to another room. Still, I'm drinkless and not one server has offered my entourage table service. And their VIP sections, the ones that are reserved, are similarly empty. 

Let me say- weather a local or not- we like to look at the people sitting in VIP. See what they are wearing- see if they're having fun, wonder why they're VIP. I'll admit it, we ALL look. So having an empty section makes me wonder why no one wants to spend their evening there. 

Bad marketing, folks. 

And another MAJOR problem. My wing girl, Nyki didn't wear the stilettos. That's not so much the problem as is the fact that she's a little one. And bussers were EVERYWHERE with their goddamn ice buckets. They were running around to restock the empty VIP sections from all over. 

Plan better JET. Really though. We actually got hit in the head by a glass. And we kept it moving. Only cause the yelling didn't work.

In the third room the VIP was actually full. Of ALL men. All watching the women in the middle dance. And all the women were drinkless. I'm not sure if this is a coincidence, but it was dissappointing.  Do guys not buy drinks anymore? DO you not offer those girls a seat at your table? What happened to chivalry?

We found the bathroom off this room. Best part of the whole club by far- the bathroom.

There were mirrors on the ceilings. I wanted to show you. So...well...this is me showing you. 

If you haven't noticed yet, LLE is pretty freaking crazy.

Get over it.

there is a sign that reminds you to abstain from any lascivious behavior.

It says that cause the bathrooms would be perfect for it. I mean...mirrors on the ceilings....lots of space...

The sign also mentions the age requirement. I'm pretty sure the 3 times I've showed my ID up to this point prove I'm eligible to be here.

And people- seriously, tip the attendant. They are underrated. 

We head back to the bar- unsuccessful in finding any real excitement. 

and just like this blog, the entire experience didn't merit much of anything. It was actually pretty boring. I wouldn't even be giving them one fab point but they played Kings of Leon- and that is sick. 

Maybe because it was a Saturday...but I'm thinking that its mostly because it just sucks...I have no desire to revisit JET again. ever. in life. 

But if you want to listen to good music, go for it.

The night got better when we decided to leave and walk around the Mirage. If you call getting gawked at "better".

Some sugar daddy wanted my good luck to play blackjack. Too bad I leave my good luck outside of the weekend.

He gave me $11.50 and before we left him we took pics of how creepy he was. 

Just DON'T be creepy. Please. Don't get so close to my boob just cause you're putting money in it. Really though.

After that, the night got worse, as if it could. 

Wing girl and I were ready to go- to take the limo home- but the really ridiculous group of boys we were with refused to take us home. 

Apparently, in LV, on a Sat night, it's ok to be a complete asshole and let your girlfriend get out of the vehicle in defiance on the side of the road. Poor wing girl. 

Apologies the next day don't really help when you're stranded on the strip at 3AM. 

Luckily Juli couldn't sleep from her cold and instead of paying for just another creepy experience in a cab, limo or party bus- we were picked up and taken home. 

I mention the party bus because it was an option, and that is definitely on the to-do list. 

And, what did we learn from this experience, friends?

Just don't go out on Saturday nights. And definitely, don't go to JET.

Bell curve theory coming next!!




JET at Mirage

Date of visit:

Saturday June 20, 2009






 SWOT Analysis


Large space, lots of room for VIP. 4 Bars. Awesome lighting system. Great music choice.

W-What a mess!

VIP- everything about it! Inadequate use of lighting system

O-Other Options

With the space and locale, it could be a very large weekend spot. Hold events and better promote the tables.

T-Think about it…

With all the competition, there needs to be a niche market- there is no stand out feature of the club. Work on viral marketing.


Comments: You need to plan the set-up of VIP MUCH better. Offer tables to groups of guys. Set up groups to take over empty tables and do per-drink service if necessary until a certain time.

1 of 3 SCS FabPoints

Nice layout, easy to get a drink from the bar. Music is awesome. Unfortunately all the staff seems flustered at the clientele. Weather or not this is the case, you need more hosts filling in empty spots and more cocktail waitresses sticking with VIP tables. Work on a specific niche market within the clubbing community. You don’t do any one thing extremely well. Try to virally market.