Sunday, June 21, 2009


Simple, really

There are those that work 9-5... and then there are the rest of us.
While that population remains small- there is something to be said for us.

We know how to go out and have a good time. Drink in moderation. Eat afterward. Get sober. Go home. 

We are the ones that call those services that take home our cars. Or cabs. Or our designated driver/LDS friend. 

WHICH, remains in opposition to the others. Perhaps not all 9-5ers- let me explain why they are the majority.

People who have home-based businesses, trust funds, server jobs...etc etc etc...we do this alot, this partying business. We go out often. We spend the residuals, the trust, the tips on going out nightly. We socialize and fraternize. We're kinda professional at this whole 'going out business'. We rarely wait in line- we expect deals, we make connections.

This is unlike those that go out solely on Friday and/or Saturday night. 

The real's when the party amateurs come out. It's when those who haven't been out in a month finally decide "Dude- lets go get shitfaced this weekend"

They practically write it in the schedule. They don't know how to fully prepare for a night out on the town. So they don't. 

The guys bring out their studded tee's and hair gel. The ladies go purchase tall heels they've never broken in. They might go get their makeup done at M.A.C....they mass text all their friends. They buy a bottle. or two...or three.

And I would put money on it that when they go out- these people are the ones that party past the climax of the evenings. They are the ones 86'd from Carnival Court...(who gets 86'd from there, though, really? But I've seen it...) They are the ones that get dragged out by their hair and puke inappropriately in the stall next to you.

Because, you see- the rest of us, we know that this UpComing weekend isn't the last weekend we will ever have to go out. We know, that while it's not Sunday at the Hard Rock Rehab pool, that Mondays work MUCH better anyway. And smell better. And I can wear my flipflops. 

There is a problem with the weekend- and it is simply that allllll the amateurs come out. The people who have NO party etiquette whatSOEver. Those who rode in from CA and might lose their phone...those who just don't know the system.

SO, not to offend all you amateurs, but I just don't like going out with you much. You get gross and feel on my booty. You have no sense. And you're the ones who call into work one Monday cause 'you're Suuhhhhh hungover'. 

I'll admit, I used to be an amateur. I know what it's like. Which is why- when I find a CA phone on the floor of the club, I return it. I don't ebay it. Even if I have to find "mommy" in the call log and text her...just sayin...Amy...  :) 

I suggest all us professionals do the same- send these friends to this blog BEFORE they go out  and do us all a huge favor. Pay it forward, that's all that I request.

That being said- please have a good time, leave the night with your dignity, and perhaps, make a friend or two.

1. wear the shoes you broke in, ladies
2. Go to the ATM Before the night begins
3. Select a DD and then buy them soda all night (put a lime in it and pretend like they're drinking)
4. Select a pass-out pad "Lets all crash at Juli's tonight"
5. get the agenda before you go out...this will prevent having 'scuttlebutt' tattooed on your lower back later in the night.
6. hold on to the cell phone! 

there are more I'm sure...but they will be posted as we progress through this review journey so stay tuned.

That being said- LLE and Juli try VERY hard to stay away from these nights out. We love our lives and very much dislike being put in jeopardy by assholes who think they are really 'going big'.

While we love to peruse the nightly scene, we also have boundaries. And so should you.