Tuesday, June 16, 2009

06.13.09 ~ House of Blues: 1/2 Fab Point(s)

Take my advice: We are bad news now

We've begun.

Its not pretty out there in Las Vegas- I will tell you that much. It's LLE, I may be writing most of the blog posts - while Juli can be hit up on our oh so fab myspace.

Actually- if you haven't added us on myspace and facebook- what are you waiting for?

do that. shiiiiiittttt

Anyway, that being said- this is the voice of LLE. And- it's. time. we. get. started! on this whole review sh!t.

Mineaswell just jump right in.

I just wonder- is the recession really that bad? THAT bad. So bad that even those WITH jobs are miserable?

uhhhhh.... WAKE up, people! Be grateful. And don't be such assholes. Shall I explain?

Juli and I got ready for big night out.

Twittered to see if we had any appearance requests:

Send us ideas for where we go tonight!! agenda thus far: Pauly Shore show/ NYNY/ Fruit Loop district...and followers CHOICE!

We held comp tickets to our lover, Pauly Shore at the Mandalay Bay House of Blues.

We put on our leggings and head out

Heading off we felt good vibes. Sometimes you can just gage how an evening is going to be by the vibes. This wasn't one of those nights, but- that- we did not know.

We park in the garage and secure a nice spot.

@PaulyMShore We're walking in now! see you soon!! shout out to us tonight

Head down one too many escalators- survive dirty looks from employees on their way home....Which, if I may go off for a minute-

We are not traitors to the Las Vegas natives because we don't work in a casino. Trust me, we put in our time. Don't hate us as we walk in and you walk out. Or, in the very least, don't look at us with all that judgement in your face while wearing your uniform...

Getting through the casino isn't easy in heels and we ponder for a minute: why the cobblestone? Is it a strategic casino move to make drunk girls in heels fall? Cause it's just about working.

Off to the venue and Juli asks 'What kind of crowd do you think will be there?'

"The show is going to be full of people who used to watch headbangers ball on MTV late at night."

"Like...back in the early 90's?" she squeeks.

"Pretty much"

We seem to be over accurate when we head into what seems like a holding pen of sorts in the front of the venue.

7:46pm and the doors to open at 8:00pm

A 42 year old man starts talking to us:

"hey, where you gals from"
(people still use that one?)

Juli immediately shoots me the 'no...no...don't... look'

But- well...I do

"We Live here" I boast. then I read his shirt:

Is your name summer cause you're hot!?

Just don't. Just don't. ever. UNNN-acceptable.

He starts talking about how he's a personal trainer. and how he made a 'recession proof' invention...something I can't hear cause I zone out...zone back in when he says...

"It's all just too complicated for you to understand."

To which I so furiously reply "I'm smarter than I look"

and he doesn't stop there. He proceeds to talk about gyroscopes and shit. And all the time I couldn't help from blurting out random spits of giggles at the fact that his shirt was tucked into his pants. Also, complete rule breaker. In fact- his entire essence was a rule breaker.

"Is it 8:00 yet, I am ready to see Pauly" I spritely interrupt

Gyroscope McTuck so perfectly enunciates "The show doesn't begin until 9pm so we have a long time together"

and on cue I look at Juli and state "Great."

We could have already issued some STRIKES against the venue but decided to give the experience a few more shots.

They start letting the crowd in. They look at us. They stop the line. Coincidence? Make us stand outside for another 6 minutes- finally let us in. We were ill prepared for the mountain of stairs we would face. Don't wear the stilettos to House of Blues...FYI.

We ask an usher where to go.

He points silentily.

We ask another pair of usher where to go, seemingly interrupting their conversation of something intriguingly funny to them.

"Excuse me- where do we go?" I inquire ever so nicely

"Stand up here. Out the way. By the bar.
Ya'll buy a bottle.
You can sit down there.
150 bucks."

as he avoids eyecontact and sways back and forth...which was weird... He must have been looking at all the space since the venue was empty. Does he get a commission on the bottle? We just cannot, til this moment, understand the offer.

"Oh." I utter. taken aback. "um, no thanks we're cool" I say- cause we weren't...but it was all I could say.

you'll pay more for drinkin
at the bar.
i'm just sayin.
just so you know"

that is how he talked, I swear. Awkward pauses misplaced and everything.

Juli and I turned and gave each other the "What?" look... (you know those). We lacked the effort it would take to put forth any more energy into this venue.

"LLE, why are we still here? They have struck out!"

OMG, she is right. we encountered nasty people, nasty attitudes and nasty stairs with no option of elevator...

"Lets roll." I declare

We spin on our toes and start to walk out.

An usher- who so noticebly didn't care about our patronage showed us out and said 'that's it, had enough?'

ya asshole, like 20 minutes ago.

The parking garage encounters solidified our angst as we were almost hit by some truck that wouldn't stop backing up into our Jeep, aka Betty. I actually became that girl that shouts out the window "You asshole!"

I was just pushed that far.

And why is it, Mandalay Bay- that the up escalators refuse to work? Just LET us go. Really though.

@ houseofblues just left. WORST customer service. ever. sorry @paulymshore we had to leave you.